Stories

I dont know when Alice made this image but I suspect she was pretty young. Its an MRI imaging machine that Alice was scanned with every six months to see if her brain tumour had returned. I like the details Alice included, the red laser light to allow alignment, the bellows under the bed she laid on to allow them to adjust height, the identification badge clipped to the operator.

I think Alice was trying to make sense of what was happening to her. I know she originally thought going to hospital for operations was normal and everyone did it but at some point she must have realised that was not true. By recording what she experienced I think it helped Alice make sense of what she was going through. Either Jennie or I were in the scanning room shile the scan happened, we had to put anything metalic in a locker outside the room. We held Alices anckle as she went through several scans. The noise was overbearing and she was very brave to stay still.

The worst scan was a CT scanner, like this one but lower resolution. Alice got fearful and upset about being in it and I had to make her go ahead and stay still. She was really afraid and I was deeply upset that she was feeling fear but I knew the machine would help the doctors so I wanted it to happen. Ultimately she was brave. She was a better person than me and she didnt deserve these trials. Perhaps there is a reason she went through this. I cannot see it myself.

We miss you Alice, you were a good person in a world that has a lot of bad. You are inspirational and we were fortunate to know you.

We wil never forget you.

x

It should have been Alice’s 28th Birthday today but she will always be 24.
The world would have been a better place with her here.
I find it difficult to post about Alice and Im greatful for Jennie for posting this on her facebook page.

Today would have been Alice’s 28th Birthday, memories of the first time I held her and the last are overwhelming today.

memories of Alice today as we walked a familiar route. It all became too much and we realised how much we have lost.

lately it feels like we are losing you all over again.

We have started to work on the garden again after it was neglected. You would notice the changes if you were to come back. We will never foget you Alice.

It seems that things dont get easier.

I made a “celebration” video for Alice’s funeral but I did not know what music to put with it. Pete suggested the track “Its all about you” a favourite of Alice from its use on a charity video.

Alice was empathetic, despite her own problems she cared about other people’s problems and wanted a better world. We miss you so much Alice

I managed to get Alice’s night lights working in the garden. She bought them about 4 years ago and I think water had got into the workings, I swapped out the solar cell unit and the magic has come back. Alice loved the garden.

This morning I was refitting the side gate at home after renovation it.

I noticed our cat Tiger Lilly had sat herself on the low wall at the side and was watching me working.

I took a break and gave Tiger a stroke just as a young couple were passing. The woman had seen me with talking with and stroking Tiger and a bright smile came across her face.

It was a joyous smile and I instantly recognised it as the smile Alice gave when she saw a cat or something made her happy.

It made me happy to see such a beautyful emotion again after so long. I miss Alice’s smile and Im so greatful to see it again.

The best of humanity still exists in the world.

Dear Alice.
Your birthday was hard yesterday. Your birthday was always a celibration and we loved surprising you with presents and perhaps a new game.
You would have been 27. I always thought that was the age that you become certain of who you are and have a path you would like to follow in life. Im so sorry you never got that chance.
Other people miss you too, lovely flowers from family and friends to comfort us.

Alice loved going on long walks but towards the end she didn’t have the stamina, and she bought an electric vehicle.
I was happy when she chose a 4 wheel one but worried that the motorbike style seat would not be safe and said she should get the one with a conventional chair with arm rests.

I’m glad I lost that argument. The motorcycle style seat made Alice feel good, made her feel young and made her feel free.

I wish we had the chance for more trips out together Alice, the ones we had were fantastic, I struggled to keep up with you on my bike.

Last week, after nearly 3 years of it not being used and slowly deteriorating it went to a new home. Hopefully after a service and a new battery it will make someone else happy in the way it made you happy. We miss you Alice.

I found an old phone that used to belong to my mother, it was given to Alice. It was an old phone and I bought her a better on a bit later but this one has lots of pictures on it.
Here is one Alice took of Tiger when she was still a kitten. Alice loved Tiger and I think they shared the same sense of fun. Tiger is a living link to Alice.

Alice, your mum put the Christmas decorations you made on the tree last week. I love the Jammie Dodger you made out of wool.
You were talented and fun and we have missed you everyday. The first Christmas we could not celibrate and to be honest its hard this time of year still. We miss what you say, what you do, your kindness, your creativity, how you care for people and how you managed to look forward each day. All our love.

I dont know if I knew Alice had an Instagram account till today.
Her love for animals, crafting and the quirky are all here to see:
https://www.instagram.com/alrojo314/

Alice, we miss you so much, life is harder without you.

I have missed you every single day.

It’s been two years since we all came together in Cromer Crematorium and said goodbye Alice. So many people came.
I don’t think losing you had sunk in, it still hasn’t. There have been a few moments when the horror of losing you has overwhelmed me, but I could not stand the pain for more than a few seconds.

This picture of you I used on the back of the service program is of your first walk of freedom when you went on your own to the shop on the holiday park we were staying at. Perhaps we were overprotective as parents, you had been through so much but it was lovely seeing you head out on your own and have the feeling of autonomy.

Perhaps when you died you headed out on your own and it would be lovely to think of you having adventures. Alice you brought light and love to our world. you are deeply missed.