Stories

This morning I was refitting the side gate at home after renovation it.

I noticed our cat Tiger Lilly had sat herself on the low wall at the side and was watching me working.

I took a break and gave Tiger a stroke just as a young couple were passing. The woman had seen me with talking with and stroking Tiger and a bright smile came across her face.

It was a joyous smile and I instantly recognised it as the smile Alice gave when she saw a cat or something made her happy.

It made me happy to see such a beautyful emotion again after so long. I miss Alice’s smile and Im so greatful to see it again.

The best of humanity still exists in the world.

Dear Alice.
Your birthday was hard yesterday. Your birthday was always a celibration and we loved surprising you with presents and perhaps a new game.
You would have been 27. I always thought that was the age that you become certain of who you are and have a path you would like to follow in life. Im so sorry you never got that chance.
Other people miss you too, lovely flowers from family and friends to comfort us.

Alice loved going on long walks but towards the end she didn’t have the stamina, and she bought an electric vehicle.
I was happy when she chose a 4 wheel one but worried that the motorbike style seat would not be safe and said she should get the one with a conventional chair with arm rests.

I’m glad I lost that argument. The motorcycle style seat made Alice feel good, made her feel young and made her feel free.

I wish we had the chance for more trips out together Alice, the ones we had were fantastic, I struggled to keep up with you on my bike.

Last week, after nearly 3 years of it not being used and slowly deteriorating it went to a new home. Hopefully after a service and a new battery it will make someone else happy in the way it made you happy. We miss you Alice.

I found an old phone that used to belong to my mother, it was given to Alice. It was an old phone and I bought her a better on a bit later but this one has lots of pictures on it.
Here is one Alice took of Tiger when she was still a kitten. Alice loved Tiger and I think they shared the same sense of fun. Tiger is a living link to Alice.

Alice, your mum put the Christmas decorations you made on the tree last week. I love the Jammie Dodger you made out of wool.
You were talented and fun and we have missed you everyday. The first Christmas we could not celibrate and to be honest its hard this time of year still. We miss what you say, what you do, your kindness, your creativity, how you care for people and how you managed to look forward each day. All our love.

I dont know if I knew Alice had an Instagram account till today.
Her love for animals, crafting and the quirky are all here to see:
https://www.instagram.com/alrojo314/

Alice, we miss you so much, life is harder without you.

I have missed you every single day.

 

It’s been two years since we all came together in Cromer Crematorium and said goodbye Alice. So many people came.
I don’t think losing you had sunk in, it still hasn’t. There have been a few moments when the horror of losing you has overwhelmed me, but I could not stand the pain for more than a few seconds.

This picture of you I used on the back of the service program is of your first walk of freedom when you went on your own to the shop on the holiday park we were staying at. Perhaps we were overprotective as parents, you had been through so much but it was lovely seeing you head out on your own and have the feeling of autonomy.

Perhaps when you died you headed out on your own and it would be lovely to think of you having adventures. Alice you brought light and love to our world. you are deeply missed.

It seems like 5 minutes ago. It still hurts deeply but we are so greatful that your last days were so beautyful.

Thank you so much to everyone who supported Alice and made things better for her and for us. We are so greatful for so many things that it seems selfish to want her back so badly like we do.

Alice we continue to remember you and how your made our lives so much better. x

Apologies to so many people I didnt get the chance to photograph in Alice’s chair but came to be with us,  and for the suppliers who got her chair to us in her last days when I explained the urgency.

 

Alice was always thoughtful when it came to a Father’s Day gift.

To me she was the gift and I miss her.

I was a father, I’m reluctant to give up the title, I don’t want to lose everything.

Going through all the bits and pieces to bring order I came across this.

I remembered it was something Alice bought to allow her to use her hearing aids with her iPad and phone.

Suddenly remembering the challenges of hearing and sight Alice faced as a result of operations, chemotherapy and radiotherapy made me cry.

It all seemed so unfair what she went through but then I remember her amazing resilience and ability to enjoy the small things in life and I feel ashamed.

Walking back today I passed a schoolgirl with a lot of missing hair.

I don’t know if it’s the result of treatment for cancer or something else.

With all my heart I wish her a long, healthy and happy life.

You would have been 26 today Alice. Quite the grown up. Im so sorry you are not here with us so we can celibrate.

Best not to think about how your life may have been if the cancer had not happened.

You lit up our life for 24 years and we can not complain about that, we have missed you so much Alice.